Joy is not sin

I noticed I have fear of laughter replaced by sorrows. It was like I cannot be happy much since sorrow looms somewhere waiting to strike. I don’t when it started but one specific moment that I will always remember was the day my father died. May 21^st of 2007 my family had so much fun. We laugh our hearts out as if there’s no tomorrow then bang…. the creepy news followed.

Today we have that kind of hearty laugh. Blurry visions, myriad fears and sorrows I feel.  I know  I cannot control unforeseen circumstances I can only pray for our brighter future.

i Pretend to be

i Pretend to be
brave, confident.
no one can tell
for this a mask
i wear
do not be afraid,
intimidated
i'm only human
i feel. i fear.
look beyond this
facade this face
you see
what lies behind is
a real person
overflowing with love
conquered by fear
fear not to be
loved back, rejected
afraid to fall
afraid to displease

I want you!

agghhs! here i go again wanting something i can never have. Dream on!

Odd

One moment I’m ecstatic. I’m so high that I wanted to laugh my heart out. It’s as if I reaching the world, achieving my dreams and nothing can stop me. Life is so beautiful, All I see is beauty and heaven is within my reach. No worries. No sadness just full of love. My spirit leaps for joy. My heart is at peace. I’m forever grateful.    My soul is jumping for happiness, such a glorious bliss. Reminiscing wonderful memories, and seeing bright future.

 Then there are these moments that I cannot understand what I feel, like I want to scream.  I want to cry. I want to run away. I want to hide. I see ugliness in the world. I feel people’s hatred, their consuming heart, their wrath, their sadness. Dreams are so far away. Hope vanishes. Faith shudders.  Fears creep in. I feel so lonely and so alone.  I remember dark past and fidgeting for a bleak gloomy future.  Spirit crushed. Life is worthless.  Days are ticking and not feeling anything. Numb.

Once upon a time

I shouldn't believe  in a happy ever after. Fairy Tales don't exist... lelz

A Promise

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

by Christian D. Larson 

Fifty Shades

Dang this book. For two days in a row i haven't done anything except reading Fifty Shades Trilogy. I blame El James for this.  Does my time worth it? i think so.  But i really do think this book is only intended for adults.